I have been exploring, for a significant amount of time, my whole idea of Emotional Efficiency. It goes against the very understanding of emotions itself, the fabric that keep the idea of emotions alive. Which is to be volatile, unpredictable, honest and with no holds barred. Emotions are meant to be experienced and felt without much thought.
I haven’t been a stranger to strong emotions. I can also confess that I have been a rather extreme proponent of the power of emotions, feeling the entire spectrum of them in their most naked manner. But much has changed in the recent past, due to careful thought, experiences and certain poignant realizations.
Emotional efficiency, for me, is an expression of emotions in a measured and accurate manner. It stems from a belief that one can protect themselves from the negative spectrum of emotions by maintaining focus on the positive. I, for certain, don’t mean that I’m bullet proof when it comes to sadness and despair. I obviously feel those emotions but they don’t last long and they don’t creep up on me anymore. There is no scope for allowing people, moments or things to get in the way of my status quo. I have discovered that great amounts of focus on very few things allows for a much fuller expression of life. You may argue that life has a lot more to offer and I may, in the process of exercising efficiency in thought and action, experience much lesser. But my hypothesis is that I have spent a life trying to experience a lot and it has left me with a lasting sense of disdain towards the lack of drive that I have had for anything specific. That this moment, now, this very instant, is all I have and that I need to give it my all. And by ‘give it my all’ I don’t mean that I shoot in many random directions and hope that something sticks, it’s that I rather give my all to a couple of specific targets and keep shooting till I hit home.
Do I sound cold and selfish? Yes, very possibly and I shall not disagree. I shall also not consider myself wise, just because I have realized it. But importantly, I also do know that I cannot spend every moment of my life creating an atmosphere of hope for every one around me. That at some moment in all the madness that surrounds us, I will have to carve out a corner that keeps me warm and that I am always assured of that warmth. If at this point you are assuming that this corner is protected and devoid of pitfalls then you under-estimate the outcomes I’m focusing on. The outcomes for which I am working very hard and for which a majority of my focus is reserved for are not easy and have been fought for. These outcomes are both professional and personal and involve elements that are in my control and it’s crucial that they remain that way.
Emotional Efficiency, which is becoming an interesting idea in my head now, is also an acceptance that my interactions with people, need to be measured. While I have practiced this for the greater part of the last year or more, I have come to learn to adjust expectations and exhibit consistency in expectations. My approach to friends, family, co-workers, women have all been careful. They have been precise. Does that make one detached? You might argue that it does. But allow me the unique opportunity to support the beauty of detachment. It, in very simple terms allows for greater efficiency in the way I express myself with people. I am not tied to people too easily; at the same time I am able to show a lot more care to people I genuinely care for and connect with. Increasing the barriers to entry for a relationship or a new friendship has clearly created a much better and fuller playing field of emotions.
You may discard my above words and sentiments. I get that, and yes I do care what you think about what I write and ponder about. Do not mistake my ideas around emotions as an abandonment of feelings as a whole. It is, to be honest, a stronger understanding of myself accrued from experiences that have shaped my life in the last few years. And that in understanding these thoughts of mine I have conducted a few experiments of my own which have led me to travel to a couple of cities in the last month or so. These travels confirmed my thoughts around detachment and letting go off spaces that occupy vestigial parts of your mind. I have had many a conversation about the concerns that such a line of thinking brings to your daily demeanor, and I fail to see any significant change that should cause alarm. All in all, my conviction has only grown in the power of this thought. It is debatable, it is malleable and it sure as hell is changeable. But I leave that to you, to contest, to debate and to agree or disagree.
I am absolutely sure that a majority of you will not agree with my thoughts and for that I am ready. After all, I do have the rest of my life to prove either one of us right. Game on!