So for the past month, I have begun to leave the curtain in my room open before I sleep, just a tad bit. The objective being that when my alarm goes off in the morning and all I can think off is snoozing it, the sun will make a cameo through the window and ensure I have no choice but to get up. This has helped me get up nearly 6 out of 7 days a week to run and work out and changed so much in life, the way I think and brought back an old routine which I thought I was incapable of returning to. But it all began with me just allowing a little light to crawl through the window.
Interestingly, it is all I needed to do with life too. It turns out that it is as easy with all else in life. I have spent the best part of the last three and a half years being driven and spent by a vacant and non existent force that forces me to remain hung up on a lot from the past. It isn’t fully attached to a person or place but quite simply an era. Eras in my world aren’t defined by long periods of time but by simple combined experiences that make up a defined space in time. Conquering and overcoming that era seems to have constructed another era in my life and for some reason I feel like I need to let the curtain open a bit to let some light of the time i’m in to come through now.
The people, circumstances and most of my daily life has changed significantly from what it used to be, yet being stuck in the past left me with some semblance of connection and comfort. It was always dangerous and absorbing but it felt good. Much like a cigarette after many days of control or even a freaking cup of coffee after weeks of green tea. Such is life that you can compare the every day to the larger picture. A picture that had begun to become so blurry that it was forcing me to shift focus from all the things good. The choice was fairly simple to overturn the past, it was a matter of a switch, it always has been. It required a few bad movies, a few long conversations, an epiphany of some sorts, an opening of the heart and a dreadfully sleepy walk back home.
Sometimes, you realise that you don’t need to overturn the stuff you loved or the people you thought you can’t live without with the exact same things. You realise that life will not deal the same cards to you but will keep a few up its sleeves and when you see through the trick, pull those cards out and are ready to face them, see them for what they are and in essence see yourself, as yourself, once more, you will be shocked. Shocked at what you have missed, what you have been letting go and all the nights and constant capitulation of your heart. You will emerge from it stronger and just so much more positive. In a way, I feel like the lessons have been learnt, rammed in and i’m ready to act now. The clocks shall not be turned back anymore and the decibel level of all things good shall be turned up many notches.
Most importantly, that curtain is going to be pushed back and shit loads of light will be allowed to enter. Another great era shall begin..