I will return, Mother

Today, my mother, I walk away from it all. I choose to turn my back before I fall. Burning down upon me is this wicked sun, but I promise you that one day I will return. The world has been kind but my circumstances cruel, I cease to choose a life that is a constant duel, between the things I love and have to do. I can’t wake up anymore and look into the mirror and wonder who. I have walked carefree all my life and never woken up to my inner strife. But I choose to stop being numb because my life can’t be governed by something this dumb. There isn’t an inch of doubt in my mind that in the mountains I shall surely find, another life and destiny in which lies my, ultimate, epiphany. Mother, my heart and soul have been for a while now in this constant churn, but I promise you that one day I will return.

I can see myself trudge into the woods with the cold hitting my back. The thought of all I have left behind will fill up my shack. Every day spent away from you will be my cross to bear but believe me, your son will live a life that is full and fair. In theatres, pubs and on the streets there is no calm, just a muted and terrible alarm. It warns me of a life that is fast becoming a slave to this self created, comforting, yet depressing cave. On lonely nights under the stars a fire shall burn and sitting by its warm glow I promise you my Mother, that one day I will return.

I may some day travel as a deckhand on choppy seas and the longing for your warm hug will make my brows crease. But I shall struggle for one more night because I know you will not give up on me without a fight. My mother, I know your hands will shake when you receive this letter but trust your son because his heart will be in a place much better. I will not give up on another moment of any day, so don’t you ever believe anything they say. Not an experience that is real and emotional shall I shun, because I promise you my Mother, that one day I will return.

You may see fire crackers in the sky while I see stars, you will hear the horns on the streets while I hear the deafening crickets, you shall be alone in a crowded room and me crowded with thoughts in an empty field. You will miss me and so shall I, but into the distance and away from my demons I will run only because I know, that one day Mother, I will return..

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I will return, Mother