I’m that guy..

When they ask you who I was, you can tell them I was that guy who left it all so that it would just make sense. When everyone desperately looked for a friend and that all important support, I was that guy who looked for change and a world I could call my own. In a way the world moved in one direction while I moved in another. I found more meaning in words than in my own life so you can tell them that I was that guy who could express himself better in front of a software than a lover ready to listen. When they ask you why he never danced you can tell them that he danced all alone and actually thought he rocked coz after all I’m that guy.

When nobody had a joke, good or bad, I had one and well that’s what made me that guy. I believed that I needed an ego while the rest of the world believed I was full of myself because I was that guy. I became a true believer of love and allowed myself to change because I was that guy. I woke up every morning looking at my messages once it was all over hoping I would get one by mistake and go back to sleep knowing that when I wake up next I will be stronger. I changed the way I approached my writing and alienated my skill for my art reducing me to a frustrated and disturbed writer from a more accomplished and finished product, the fact that I believed this nonsense proved that I really was that guy. When I look back and see the only constant in my life I can only see a football club and even though I know that it will last longer than most things in my life, the lack of feeling reminds me that I’m after all just that guy. I finally found a home near the coast and now just can’t let it go, even as I get addicted to its memories, which is painful for somebody who is just that guy. I open a new chapter of my life and refuse to close the previous one and as time and my life stares me in my face I remain stubborn and unbending just to prove that I’m that guy.

I stain my lips and my fingers in hope for peace only to realise how short lived this pleasure is because for my needs I can’t erode me as I’m just that guy who is looking for inspiration, looking for a reason to not let the moment get the better of him. I’m that guy who suddenly detests Facebook and my inability to declare all that is within, clear and simple, while the remaining enjoy their Boston Tea Party. I refuse to understand the true meaning of losing it all because I have never lost what I know I will get back and until that day I’m just that guy. While walking down the dark road nearing home, I walked emotionless, stunned and destroyed by what I had done, knowing that this time I had dug in the deepest. Since then I have been all that I am and none of what I can be and I know that I’m just that guy but can’t I be the guy I was.

So now I ask you all to sit back and wonder if all that you have done to your life was to prove a point, to be practical, to make sense of it all, to be foolish and behave that all will be fine or just take another turn down the path of life hoping that the uncertainties are easier than the life you lead. I implore you to wonder who the hell made you believe that what you believe is a prayer and what the rest believe is the sacred truth and I would stop this innuendo by asking you to wonder if the life led by you till now was to ensure that it was a life well lead or was it endured just because you believed that your that guy…

 

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I’m that guy..