There have been tons of questions on my mind since the day I made the move(s). It’s been nearly two years since that day and also nearly four months since the other. Much has changed, much more has evolved and most importantly, nothing will be the same again. So while I have learnt to accept that fact and move on with it, there is a huge part of me that questions what my current state of mind is all about. It seems heavily invested in just a couple of things, dangerously non-committed on the others. But just a few days back it began to make sense..
Every sovereign nation depends on a group of men beyond its virtues of diplomacy, the strength of its military and the civility of its people. These men are mostly behind the scenes, in control of proceedings and heavily invested in what is the sole purpose of their existence; defending the sanctity of the idea of their nation. These men could be high ranking diplomats, special forces operatives, intelligence officers – the list is long and rather secretive. They do have normal lives too, just that they lead it with a great amount of discretion, knowing fully well what’s more important. A paratrooper dropped behind enemy lines does think of his family back home but he is consumed by only one thing, his mission. These are men driven by a mission. This is not saying that other citizens of this country have taken upon lesser missions, it’s just that i’m writing this blog post and these are the men who inspire me. They inspire me because their missions and their failures have consequences that are very hard for most of us to even comprehend. In this single minded devotion, funnily, lie some of my answers.
As I have been battling many existential questions, there has been a mission that has been slowly consuming me. I hadn’t predicted its onset, nor had I any clue of the prognosis. But now it is upon me and other questions and doubts must begin to pale in comparison, if they don’t then they will have to be forced out. A mission, gives one focus. And focus, strangely, gives you options. Because the goal becomes so alarmingly clear and rather pristine in its form, it suddenly opens doors you never believe existed. Just a matter of looking, no, staring them in the face. Conversations with the mirror stop becoming so foggy and irrelevant, a sense of purpose gets attached and the world and its people attain compartments, neat little buckets.
I have had many realizations of this manner in the past, some are well detailed on this blog while others remain clearly etched in my mind. Either way, this time around it is tangible, it is what wakes me up every morning and is the last thought on my mind when I sleep. it doesn’t get old and will not get stale. It challenges me and drives me in all my other pursuits and most of all it makes me tick, like a man possessed.
Will see you soon, I am on a mission!