It’s in moments of vacant peace that he lives in constant fear of, of roads rid of traffic that are still and where he can hear the words of the songs he is listening to. In the moments where he tries hard to crowd out his head, fill it with thoughts of his reality, of his work and of all that makes his today alive. It is in the constant chatter on his phone, of articles not read and of new acquaintances made; some interesting and some he knows he must meet. It is in that balcony in his home where he spent many days thinking of her but now stands with a camera taking pictures and videos which he can share with his friends, to show them the green, the mountains and the song of the wind, while unknowingly recreating that very moment every day in his mind. It is in a drunken and fun night with friends that he sees an apparition of himself and her and becomes ghostly quiet and pensive.
In the smiles of people around him, in the wonder which is a good cup of coffee or tea sipped slowly while walking home which in his mind is on a terrace with her, looking at the clouds and talking of dreams. In that moment during a meeting when everything goes quiet and everyone is relegated to thinking instead of talking, just for that brief moment, in the slightest of pauses that another memory is reignited, sent streaming across the skies and into his mind. It is that good meal after a long day or even a plate of fries with that sauce that she hated. That sauce becomes a journey and every fry dipped into it becomes a pitstop. When it all comes together in a moment of clarity and then it gets a little clouded, just that bit because she is standing there egging you on for something more, something better or just something happier. When you know she is looking at you from somewhere hoping you are taking that breath, holding on to it when required and being the best you can be. When cliches begin to delight and you can start stacking the memories in your mind and let them fall on this projector in your head as each of those memorable dinners and walks start pouring all over your head, haphazardly, colliding with each other yet all fusing into one large slideshow of your lives together. When the road transforms into a bylane of a city you once lived in, once the people become invisible and the shadows and the horns and the rain become immaterial.
When all else in that one sparkling moment in your day ceases to become nothing more than the sum of every beautiful moment spent with her, that is when you can move on.. Move on to the next memory of her because in it lies, everything. The world begins to move, the music finds its notes, the emails find the right words, the thinking becomes sharper, the workplace becomes a monastery, the excel sheets become pages of your mind, the walks become shorter, the miles seem fulfilling and the questions about your life and its purpose become irrelevant.
That’s when it all comes together, when a guy misses a girl.