My happy place is in many places, moments and sometimes, my imagination. To conquer a rather challenging or depressing phase in my life, I conveniently retire to my ‘happy place’. It’s what every shrink recommends and it really doesn’t take a compression engineer to tell you that (thought it was time to move past the usual ‘rocket scientist’).
Many times in the past I have always managed to go to a scene from my favorite movie, the chorus from a song that really touched a chord or a moment from a Manchester United football match. These were safe places to go because even though I pride my vivid imagination, I would much rather actually get on to Youtube and watch these moments; live in my ‘happy place’ for those few minutes. Zone out and then, ZONE RIGHT BACK IN! It was all going good, it was simple and also the challenges that life were posing were straight forward so I just dug in my heels and got a good broadband connection.
Until, a new ‘happy place’ began to form its way in my head. A beautiful one indeed. It truly made me happy for one. I didn’t need Youtube for it, what with a dodgy broadband connection and iffy 3G. I needed to be there just for a moment and it managed to clear things up. Just for a moment. I was finally dealing with this like a normal human being. Or that’s what I thought.
Memories can be tricky sometimes. You know that feeling of how a song can take you back years. You can smell that time again, quite literally sometimes. You can feel the same excitement or low or whatever it was that made that moment worth remembering. Sometimes all it takes is a few words said in a specific way that triggers of something in your mind. It really is something. For me it quite simply is a room. Not a room too far back in my mind that I have to create bits of it to complete it. It’s all there, very clear in my head. So are the people, so are their expressions and so are their conversations except the ones who were whispering in a corner somewhere. It was a party, it was a small apartment and the beauty of such parties is that very few people can find corners. So there was one loud, confused and drunken conversation going on. The spotlight was on a few of us as the occasion demanded. There was singing, there was a lot of flirting, some good old meeting of eyes and some really bad jokes. Ingredients of a memorable night.
That is the night I go back to whenever I need to nowdays. I could be working non stop juggling a million things and then right in between all of that, right in between a break between a stressful phone call and an even more annoying email, I suddenly am there for a brief second. In that room with the dim lighting and the chilly air conditioning. I can taste the bad vodka and the delicious cake. i can hear that laughter, all of them and then some of them. It is without a doubt my ‘happy place’.
Beautiful, right? Well for most of it. It is what a tired and frustrated mind needs. It spurs me on, I click a few gears every time I get there and then that sinking feeling. The same cake and the vodka, the singing and the laughter, the lighting and the whispering. Oh, all of that. All of it. You know what I said before, just a couple of paras back? Of how you can smell it, feel it, sometimes. That’s what this memory is and if I dwell there for more than a few seconds it sucks everything out of me.
Yup. My ‘happy place’ is also my ‘really sad place’. Now, deal with it!