Black Box of your soul

Sweet memories are generally laced with this poisonous element – the realization of them being in the past. So when you clear out the debris of the life that has passed you by, you need to look for your black box. The one part of your mind that will remind you of all those conversations, thoughts and aspirations you had before it all changed. It may have changed for the good or it could have changed for the worse but the exultation of that previous life sure would have died down. That’s when you pull out the black box, wipe off the grime and bang it open. Be prepared as it may not always be as Nirvanaesque as you may imagine. It maybe stark and debilitating or it may just help you realign that mind of yours which has wandered too long, made you feel cozy in this false environ you live in filled with unfounded ecstasy and camouflaged hope.

I opened my black box yesterday..

After spending years enjoying and interpreting the true value of cinema, I chanced upon a TV show’s return yesterday. A show that led me to start writing this blog in the first place and to a great extent has always shaped my thoughts about life. The show in question is ‘Californication’. I can assure you Wikipedia will do a better job of telling you what the show is about but unfortunately it will not tell you why it has always been such a profound experience for me. The protagonist of the show weirdly manages to mirror my thoughts, not necessarily my actions and in some oddly prophetic manner tends to have the same delusions and dilemmas as me. You would think it’s a case of identifying with the devil but it’s uncanny and becomes a paranormal, yet truly spiritual experience for me. It is after all my black box playing out only certain but possibly the most intriguing chapters of my life out. The constant struggle with the self is a battle well documented but when faced with this battle on a real and tangible plain, it can leave you scarred. Sometimes stronger for the long run but extremely weak and lonely in the present. Realizing that your life, decisions and judgments have amounted to the current state of affairs can always be a revelatory journey. One that can consume you or exhume something you refused to believe.

I can see so much more clearly now because I have those dreams and conversations and musings in my head now, reminded by a TV show that goes beyond the ordinary for me, by a character that follows me like a shadow. Leaving me with one thought as I quietly tuck the black box back in – what happens to that shadow when the sun sets on it?

Good Night!!